I bet you thought I forgot about this. Well, I didn't.

So this post has been a long time coming. When I first arrived home from Colorado and AmeriCorps on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I felt it was too soon to write a proper reflection on my experiences. Time passed. I thought it would be fitting to post a conclusion to this blog on February 2, 2009 -- the anniversary of arriving in Denver and beginning my term of service. But things had been busy and I missed that date. Ideally, I wanted to be able to sit down and just write an entry without interuptions. After a certain point, so much time had passed that I began musing over posting in November 2009 on the anniversary of graduating from NCCC, after the passing of an entire year of post-AmeriLife. But regardless of when I finally manage to post this entry, here it is.

With all the time that has passed, I'll begin my recount where I left off in the previous post. Actually, I'll start a bit before that, as I never discussed graduation. We all got dressed up in our black pants and white polos and gathered in the campus auditorium. There was a nice long slide show as a part of the graduation ceremony. I'll confess, it made me a little teary. One of the accompanying songs was "Peace, Love, Happiness" by G. Love & Special Sauce. I already loved that song, but now it always makes me smile for new reasons. Kevin sang his song, "Lighthouse" of course; that also made me teary. This time around it sounded like the rest of NCCC had learned the lyrics ... or Earth Unit just sang extra loud. One of the members read a poem she wrote that was actually pretty neat, I wish I had the text. Others might have found it corny, but I liked how she played with the homonyms "corps" and "core." The lines had to do with improving lives and changing the world and each stanza concluded with "It must be something in my corps" (or -- core, i.e. deep inside).

They gave out a bunch of silly superlatives for each unit -- best facial hair, best couple, etc. In Fire Unit, the Best Couple award went to two teammates who thought it would be funny to get married in Vegas during their break, only to realize later that they couldn't get it annulled as easily as they got hitched. Joanna is friends with the guy and the story unfolded through phone calls and text messages while we were heading to California for dispatch. Happy ending, though: they're still together and seem to be very much in love. I won "Best Dressed" (or something to that effect, I can't recall how it was phrased) for Earth Unit because I was apparently always immaculate in my AmeriClothes. My award was an old, musty, gross AmeriShirt from the old uniform room. Awesome. They also gave out some more heartfelt awards, including the "Butterfly" award, which is supposed to recognize the member who really comes into their own during the program. Well, we had a set of identical twin sisters this year, Paige and Blair. They were placed in different units, but were inseparable otherwise. They even dressed alike and were a prime study for "twin language." But, their respective teams also really brought them out of their twin shells. So they received the Butterfly award jointly. It was appropriate, ironic and sweet all at the same time.

The Class XIV AmeriQuilt was on display in the lobby of the auditorium. Our recreation of the "Message Boar" went over really well with our team and former teammates. Following the ceremony, there was a big dinner in the cafeteria. Some of the Forest Service showed up for the wildfire teams, including Owens, Megan and Mary from Ned. They had dinner with us in the cafeteria and then met us for one last night at Four Gs.

After move out, Nikki and I had a little vacation in Nederland prior to returning home. We stayed with some Forest Service people who hadn't yet moved on from the end of their seasonal posts at the work center. It was quite cold for the most part and rather blustery. I went snowboarding for the first time! We went to El Dora, the local ski resort in Ned. It was quite fun! According to the people I went with, I picked it up fairly quickly. Of course, once I got the feel for things, my skill level plateaued instantly. I didn't want to try any jumps or switch between board edges for fear of breaking my neck.

I flew home the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I didn't realize it until I had to get on the flight that I was really reluctant to go home. The weeks in Denver leading up to graduation didn't feel any different from previous transition weeks. It wasn't until I boarded that it hit me: it's over. After we landed in Philly, I actually started crying on my walk to the baggage claim. The elation that my parents demonstrated once they saw me made it all even harder to process. Thanksgiving was nice and quiet at home, just the immediate family.

On Thanksgiving Sunday, I went to visit Jersey Surf, the drum and bugle corps I marched with from 2004-2006. Their first audition camp for the new season is always held Thanksgiving weekend and some alumni (such as myself) use that weekend to see friends and check how the corps is doing. I ran into some people I had marched with and we were able to catch up a little. A week later, they called me to inform me that a flag spot had opened up in their winterguard, Black Watch; they wanted to know if I was interested. The Black Watch is an Independent World Class winterguard that I have idolized since I got into the activity in high school. Of course I said yes and began going to rehearsals. Our competitive season went up to the first weekend in May, and it was an incredibly rewarding experience. The level of cohesion in the guard was higher than any I had ever experienced before. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to be a part of the Black Watch family and I can't wait for the next season to begin.

In the meantime, I was hunting for a job. Along with several other NCCC wildfire people, I began the process of applying for a seasonal wildland firefighter position. As that option developed, I also applied to about 120 jobs here at home. It was a rather discouraging challenge, especially when I was not considered for positions I really wanted. While I definitely did AmeriCorps for the personal experiences, I wasn't the only one who hoped it would also be a great addition to my resume. Alas, this was not the case. It seemed that people didn't think the experience translated very well. I hope this is just a symptom of the economic downturn. I'm not looking for someone to stroke my ego; I just think our time in NCCC shouldn't be so underrated. My corpsmates and I worked hard and cared about what we were doing. We still care.

I finally landed a temp position. I'm still looking for something that speaks a little closer to my passions: education, the environment, writing, nonprofit organizations. My job search demonstrated my old fashioned attitudes of employment -- I like the idea of starting new, learning and working toward something. These days, it seems companies expect you to know everything prior to working for them. What ever happened to entry-level positions? And how much experience can a college graduate really have? There are only so many internships, and only so much time a student can spare between class, course work and a paying job. I realize it can be more cost effective to cut back on training for employees, but I also think that too many people have become absolutely rabid about making the bottom line Priority #1.

My apologies -- I don't want this post to digress into a negative conclusion to what has been one of the most positive experiences of my life.

I do have a job, and I am trying to stay positive. While searching for a position, I was also exploring the possibility of grad school. My experiences in NCCC, in conjunction with Obama's election and his expansion of AmeriCorps, seemed to reignite my enthusiasm with teaching. I found a program at Arcadia University that would allow me to get my masters and certification in secondary social studies education. There were just a few classes I needed to qualify for the program. I've already taken two, and I'm enrolled in two more for the fall. I'd like to teach a world cultures-based curriculum, and I often catch myself scheming about studying and volunteering abroad to enhance my coursework.

But I can't lie. Despite these ambitions, I'm afraid to discover that I'd make a lousy teacher; the two classes I've taken so far were unexpectedly intimidating at times. It would be an understatement to say that I am reluctant about choosing this path. And this does seem to be the path I've chosen -- I turned down a fire job in March. Owens called and offered me a position and I declined. My initial reason was because I didn't instantly say, "Yes!" I felt like if I truly wanted it I wouldn't have hesistated to accept the offer. Upon closer examination, my situation didn't seem to lend itself to taking a fire job. With loans, car and health insurance, I may have barely afforded living in Colorado, especially with a fire season that had been pretty quiet up until last week. Uprooting my life and living out of a suitcase for another six months, after having done exactly that for the previous ten, would further delay starting grad school. And who knows what the economic situation will be in November? I'd already experienced enough difficulty finding a job.

I'm the type of person who occasionally indulges in asking "What if?" So I'm struggling with not regretting this decision. I don't think one choice was somehow superior to the other. Fire season was quiet up until last week and that made not being on a crew a little easier to deal with. But, as of this writing (mid-August), I know of at least eight people on fire dispatches, the majority of whom are fighting fires in ... Alaska! Good grief, what luck.

So that's where I am right now. Though I'm savoring the weighty, humid summers that you'll only find on the east coast, I still miss Colorado immensely. I've made a half-promise to myself that I'll live there for a portion of my life.

My waffling over a fire job and grad school is further proof that I feel restless. Even if I'd taken a fire job, I think I'd still have this feeling that I'm meant for something bigger. When I began AmeriCorps, I was looking forward to finally following through on this Save-The-World attitude I've had since I was three, when the Exxon-Valdez had that massive oil spill and I cried to my mother about how the dolphins were going to die if someone didn't do something (I'm not kidding, you can ask her). It seems my time in NCCC has only made me hungrier. At the risk of sounding arrogant or ostentatious, I have this nagging little feeling that I'm meant for something more than where I am right now, that I've got to find something bigger and better. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn't. As always, I guess we'll find out.

I have come to the conclusion that life is just a bunch of graduations ...

Both literal and metaphorical.

I'm sitting in the lobby of Walsh Hall right now, leaning against Nicole's and my stuff. I've already been up for three hours; the TLs paraded through our halls to wake us at 4 am. The lobby was a mess as of people and luggage. There was a mass exodus around 6:30 am, when the majority of vans left for the airport.

It's just a few stragglers now (and by a few, I mean about fifteen). Most are waiting for the train shuttles to start. Nikki and I are waiting for Enterprise to open its office so we can get a move on as well. We weren't going to get the car until noon, but it is 7 am, the latest we can stay is 11 am, and we really can't take waiting any longer, especially now that everyone else is gone. The weather has been beautiful the past several days, but now there's a freezing cold rain that has settled over the region. Kinda makes it easy to leave ... except I'm not leaving right away.

Nikki and I will have some fun in Ned for a few more days, visiting with a bunch of other wildfire people who will also be hanging around the area for a bit. And then I'll be home again.

So that's that. Done and done. The reflections on all of this still have not been very forthcoming in my mind. I think I need a week to decompress and then I can do so. It seems only fair to conclude this blog with a sense of closure. ...But not now. I'll keep you posted.

By this time tomorrow, I'll be an NCCC graduate

So graduation is tomorrow. After graduation, I'll be home in a week.

I could chose this time to wax poetic about the time I've spent in this program and how the last ten months have changed me. But who couldn't do that after experiencing something like this? Besides, my mind right now is too filled with little last minute To-Do lists regarding packing. Almost all of my possessions are in boxes or suitcases, with only a few toiletries and my graduation uniform fully exposed in the open air. Also elbowing their way into my cluttered mind are To-Do lists that will take effect once I drop my suitcases on the floor of my bedroom back home.

I'm also trying to clear my mind of the recurring job-search anxiety. I just posted my resume on Monster. I'm sure I'll do another job search soon. But for now, that's where I am.

I want to go!!!

I'm aware that lives are in danger and that fighting fires isn't a game or a sport and that people are losing everything as a result of these fires ...


I want to go to Santa Barbara!!!
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601103&sid=aRu20NS81r7s&refer=us


*sigh*

Back in Denver ... oh my ...

Good grief, I'm not even doing that much and I still let a week go by between posts ...

Okay, anyway ...

On Monday of last week, we didn't work and instead spent a good chunk of the day cleaning the bunkhouse and packing up. We also hung the swing, finally! It took us long enough. On Tuesday, we returned to Denver and settled in. On Wednesday, the majority of us turned in our line gear so it could be issued to the new wildfire teams; Joanna, Scott, John and Chris kept their stuff because they were going to the field day for the new teams. A bunch of us crossed paths with some of the Class VX wildfire people over those few days. They're really cool kids, very nice and eager to learn. I was talking to one and answering the questions he had about the fires I had been on.

Unfortunately, the new class might be in for a bit of a rude awakening. I heard that on their field day, they only had two water bottles and their fire shelters in their packs, and they dug a straight line that was on flat ground. Our field day pretty much felt like the real thing. We dug up, across and down a slope and then re-dug part of the line because they wanted the prescribed burn area to be larger. Our fire shelter deployment drill was a bit more intense too, from the sounds of it. But they'll get the hang of it when they start their season.

So there's a 2500 acre fire in Santa Barbara. I'm chomping at the bit, but there's nothing I can really do -- I have no gear.

I went for a run last Thursday and ended up with a sore throat from the cold air. That turned into a headache, mild nausea, chills, hot sweats, and body aches. So I spent the whole weekend feeling like I had the flu, and without much of an appetite. On Monday, things got a bit better except that I noticed my gums felt a little sensitive and it hurt to eat a little. I ate yogurt for breakfast, and had soup for lunch and dinner. Sheesh. On Tuesday, they were noticeably swollen. On Wednesday, I managed to eat something that required chewing. They seem to be feeling better each day, still a little sensitive. I am just falling apart, honestly.

This week has been pretty low key regarding our schedule. We cleaned a truck last week and the other two were cleaned by some Class XV kids who needed some "extra instruction," so we didn't have to take care of the vehicle this week. We had a community meeting on Monday, and the rest of the day to work on our debrief. Jamie actually called me on Monday, she's in charge of organizing our travel (among other things) to and from the campus for the program. Apparently the travel agency they use couldn't book a train for the government rate so I'll be flying home instead. We had off on Tuesday for Veterans Day. On Wednesday we had another meeting to discuss our education award. We presented our debrief yesterday morning and turned our portfolio in, which was the biggest thing we had to do. Last evening, Blake and I worked on our team's quilt square for the "Memory Mural." The team decided they'd like to make it a version of our "Message Boar," a message board that Blake started with Earth 4 to post interesting facts, and other funny jokes that the team shared. The rest of us adopted it when our teams were combined. So we put the squares for E 4 and 5 next to each other and made a replica of the "Message Boar," but with new facts and categories. I'll try to get a picture of it, along with a picture of the original board from the bunkhouse.

So here it is. My last weekend in AmeriCorps. It was snowing earlier in the morning, it seems to have settled at the moment. A lot of people are really ready to be done and head home or move on to what's next for them. I think it's just being back in Denver. I know if we were up in Ned, even if we were chipping, we still wouldn't necessarily want to be done yet. But here we are.

I feel like I'm aging out all over again

Well, this past week was rather uneventful. The Phillies won the World Series. Yay! Go Phils! Finally! And ... of course, I'm two thousand miles from home. But, oh well, they won. Good for them.

We had Monday off because of the fire over the weekend. Hawk left for Chicago on Tuesday. We also had our evaluations with Chad, Owens and Emily. Everyone had a good eval, it all went rather smoothly. Chad and Owens tried to mess with a few of us a little. On Wednesday Chad led a little tutorial on how to apply for a job with the Forest Service (or a similar agency with regards to wildland firefighting, such as the Bureau of Land Management). It's a bit more complicated than just sending in a resume. Fire resumes are supposed to be long, detailing all of the experiences you've had on crews and with a department. You also have to have a profile on a website that the Forest Service uses to look at potential employees.

Beyond that, we just went back to Kelly Dahl to chip the rest of the slash from the trees we had dropped last week. It's all come full circle, it seems. On Friday, we turned in a few things from our gear that the work center had issued us (face shrouds from our helmets, fusees, first aid kits), as well as our tools, boxes of MREs and cubies (five-gallon water jugs in boxes). It was quite sad and a bit surreal. I felt like I was aging out from drum corps all over again -- I'd had my last show, we were breaking down the equipment and putting everything away. They let us out early, so we said our farewells to Chad, Owens and Egan and went down to the house.

I went for a run, stained and sealed the bench and then got into my Halloween costume to parade around in Ned for the festivities. It was lots of fun, there were a lot of character costumes this year. Nikki was Sarah Palin, Blake was Freddie Mercury, Scott was Iron Man, Ervin was Chris Meloni's character from Wet, Hot, American Summer.

So that's all then. Tomorrow, we'll clean the house top to bottom and get packed up. We head back to campus in Denver on Tuesday. We were originally supposed to work for another week, but we have to head back early to turn our gear in so it can be signed out immediately to the new wildfire teams, now that the cycles have overlapped for our campus. So that will leave me with not a whole lot to do on Thursday and Friday, probably. I'll probably drum up something to keep me occupied. I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday morning and it's kinda crazy exactly how much I'm looking forward to it.

But that's that. I think I'll save my reflections on the end for another post, this one has gone on quite enough.

Catching up a little ...

My apologies for not posting sooner. I've been pretty busy after work for the past week or so. I'll explain ...

First of all, the marathon was a great success. John, Chris, Harrison, Keenan (wildfire team leader) and Chad all ran the full marathon, with John finishing at an impressive 3:36. This is his sixth marathon. Joanna, Jared (E4), Hawk (a FS guy) all ghost-ran the half marathon. I capped for Nikki, so that she could get some ISP hours by volunteering (capping is when you try to inform and recruit new members for AmeriCorps by setting up tables and booths at public events, schools, etc). Capping was actually pretty successful, we met a lot of people and got the word out. Blake and I left early to go grocery shopping, as it was a Sunday.

Last week wasn't anything special in particular. We went back to one of the camp grounds, Kelly Dahl, where we had cut at the beginning of the season. We had a few more trees (160 or so, allegedly) to cut and chip. The bole wood (the trunk itself) was going to be collected for industrial purposes. So, in addition to limbing the tree and chipping the slash, we had to drag all of the boles to the road and try to line them up.

It also snowed last week. It made cutting particularly chilly. I had two pairs of long underwear on the one day.

The real reason I wasn't able to get online much last week was because we were working on our gift to the Forest Service. It is a yearly tradition that the wildfire team gives a gift to their Forest Service work center. There is a basketball net, as well as some adirondack chairs and a birdhouse from previous classes. For the longest time, we could not come up with an idea. Then someone suggested a soap box derby car. It seemed amusing and fun, but it never materialized.

Finally, the weekend before last we said, "Okay. Are we going through with this? If not, we need to find something." It wasn't a firm goal, but we really wanted to have the gift done prior to the seasonals getting laid off (they all turned in their gear this past Friday). The soap box derby car, we finally admitted, wasn't going to work - it was fun, but it didn't really relate to our work, nor did it serve any real purpose. Suddenly, someone suggested a porch swing. That weekend, Blake and I went online to find plans on how to construct a swing, as well as a frame for it (we didn't think hanging the swing from the bunkhouse awning would be a good idea since it's not our place). We got all the plans and a list of materials. On Monday, Ervin went down to Boulder to take care of a few things while we were all at work. While he was in Boulder, he got everything we needed at Home Depot.

We started working on it Tuesday night. That evening, we snuck into the work center and cut all of the pieces for the porch swing itself. On Wednesday, we couldn't do anything because the work center was being used after work. Thursday, we constructed the porch swing and cut some of the pieces for the frame. On Friday, I actually went down to Boulder to see a show, but the people who stayed in for the night assembled the frame.

We were going to hang the swing on Saturday, but then ... around 3:00, we heard that there was a fire started by a car along the side of the road near Lyons (outside of Boulder). The seasonals had just turned in their gear the day before, so we were pretty much the only resources left on our forest, aside from Chad, Egan and Owens. Chad told us to be ready, just in case it panned out. Well, it did. Paul, Chris and I moved our stuff to one of the squad trucks, while everyone else made phone calls to get everyone who was in Boulder back up to the bunkhouse. We managed to get everyone rounded up and head out in less than two hours. Once we got to the fire, we dug some line around it with the other firefighters who were there. After that, we laid out some hose and mopped up until after dark. We wrapped up and headed back to Boulder. On the way back, Chad got us dinner at a really cool New Orleans-style restaurant in Lyons called Oscar Blues.

They requested us for the next day, so we all got up early and headed out. There wasn't any food in the house, because Sunday is normally my shopping day. Luckily, we managed to get someone to go for us (I made a list while I was eating breakfast on the off-chance that we could swing such a favor). But in the mean time, there wasn't really anything to bring for lunch, so we all ate MREs (Meal Ready to Eat, or Meal Rarely Enjoyed, if you prefer). It's a little funny because this fire was a few firsts for me: it was my first local fire (a little crazy, considering it's the end of a quiet fire season and I managed to get to do two national dispatches). It was also the first time I had ever eaten an MRE. Somehow, I got through two dispatches without eating them. So everyone told me I had to eat one, which was fine because I couldn't pack a lunch anyway. So I did. It wasn't bad at all; I had spaghetti with meat sauce, as well as some crackers and cheese spread.

We spent the second day gridding for a spot fire that had popped up across the road -- we found it, it was dead out. After lunch, we then mopped up until they let us go. Chad gave us off on Monday. We presented the swing to everyone after we got back from the fire. We're going to hang it tonight, hopefully.

Rumor has it that this is our last week of work. We're supposed to head back to Denver next Tuesday so we can turn in our fire gear for the next class of wildfire teams. We actually may get to meet some of them on Friday because Chad asked for help with their field day after their wildfire classes. It's so strange that it's almost over. We've been doing this for so long that it had the feeling as though we would just continue. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself. I'll certainly miss the chainsaw. Cutting such a fun thing to do. Gosh. It's really almost over.

Tomorrow night, I hope to watch the rescheduled Phillies/Rays game and ... well, I won't jinx them. I just hope that the outcome is good, my city deserves it.