I've decided to write a separate post to serve as a supplement to the concluding entry. While I make no attempt to avoid rambling in what follows, it is just a small sample of the memories that now grace my thoughts daily. I tried to maintain some coherency, but the recollections are in no particular order. Some may sound familiar, some may not. And I feel the need to offer a disclaimer: Even at its conclusion, I still want this blog to serve as a positive and constructive representation of the NCCC experience. As such, while I hope my blog has provided a useful and pleasant glimpse into my experience, it is just a glimpse. I read back over some entries and I realized that I left out a lot. I wish I could tell the whole story. But even if I had allowed myself to write of my experiences in a completely uncensored manor, I imagine that there's still a lot I would have failed to communicate.
All that being said, I hope you enjoy. Especially my teammates, should you somehow stumble across this.
A lot of the things I miss are things about my team and teammates, obviously. The second floor of Walsh Hall, although in need of some modernizing, quickly became a very familiar space; the bunkhouse too. Interestingly, some time in December '08, Nikki was driving around near Boulder (she moved to CO from Ohio) and spotted a grass fire that occurred near the farm house where we stayed during third round. Needless to say, word of the fire spread quickly around the team despite how we'd scattered across the country. Chad reported to us later that our house was still safely standing.
While I doubt I'll ever own a pick-up truck and I can't deny that our Dodge Rams were certainly gas guzzlers, they were a lot of fun to drive. Yes, even for sixteen hours a day driving to or from dispatch, and even though I had to have my seat all the way up against the steering wheel so I could reach the pedals.
There were times that I just wanted to be left alone and privacy was rare. But those feelings were infrequent, and I tended to enjoy always having someone near by. I miss having nine or ten roommates, especially my nine or ten particular roommates. Even now, I revel in having been a part of the wildfire teams.
First round in Texas was just all around fun. I miss how those of us from the North would just fall into the southern accent; and the entire team could recite Forrest Gump by heart and often did. I stereotyped Harrison's southern heritage (red pick-up truck and all), but I was also his token Yankee. I loved the quirks of my teammates, like how Chris was so into cycling and, though he's from Virginia, he totally acts like he's from SoCal. I miss Adrienne's encouraging love of vegetables. Travis just had to watch Jeopardy at 6 and he made it known when he missed it; he's only the second person I've ever met to answer so many questions correctly. I loved and envied how John and Adrienne could run like it was no big deal. I miss how Blake could always be heard singing, even on PT hikes. I miss looking forward to his Message Boar contributions; I'm glad he brought that to our team after Earth 4 and 5 were melded together. For better or worse, Paul could be absolutely crazy at times; but the kid has a good heart.
I miss Swerve. He could be a royal pain in the neck, but he was a good team leader. He always had our backs. Ervin didn't bend the rules. Most of our team's frustrations weren't the result of Ervin, but of the rules -- rules that could make a bunch of relatively independent 20-somethings feel like we were all teenagers living at home. It takes courage and character to stand firm and follow through where others would try to negotiate.
I miss the week that Joanna was my cutting partner and we learned that we should actually never be cutting partners because it was bad news. I really miss always having her and Nikki around.
Even though it took us until the end of the season, the fact that we got the chance to respond to and work on a fire as a team (the infamous "Party" fire) was a really fitting conclusion for our time together. I enjoyed getting to share so much with them. Even seemingly little things, like sitting around watching AxMen or movies together. Or the night when I made chili for a quick dinner so we could all sit around and watch the Presidential debates. I like that I can associate so many things with my AmeriCorps experiences.
I want to take a moment to express my admiration for the females of AmeriCorps and the Forest Service. Despite my own internal apprehensions of being viewed as the weaker sex in a male-dominated field, in reality I was never made to feel like I was less of a person because I'm a girl. In my experience, I was honestly judged on my character and effort. And I have never before been surrounded by so many strong, dedicated, confident women. I have the utmost respect for Kira, Jane, Christy, Joanna, Nikki, Nicole, Shannon, Crystal, Adrienne, Megan, Mary, Emily and all of the other girls who are living their lives without hesitation, without apologies or regrets. So show some respect or get out of the way! These girls know who they are, know what they want and there is no stopping them. They are true role models. All little girls should want to grow up to be like them. I can only hope that I am counted among their ranks.
There are songs on my iPod that were the same songs I would listen to on runs in Texas or during PT runs in Ned. That music comes on and it's like I get to run Kinnickinnick Loop again. There's also a lot of music that makes me think of my teammates. I had never heard so much O.A.R. or Dispatch as when we were in Texas with Wolf 4. My Denver roommate, Maddie, and Jane from the North Zone AmeriCorps wildfire team introduced me to Michael Franti. Harrison and I usually listened to his Citizen Cope cds. On the way to California for dispatch, we discovered that Blake had left his cd case in the car. Joanna and I listened to the Across the Universe soundtrack until Jordan and Harrison couldn't take it anymore. While we were on that dispatch, the only cd in Squad 1-2 that wouldn't skip was one of Emily's Cake albums. Nick, Patrick, Malcolm and I listened to that one album for two weeks straight. Occasionally, we'd try to tailgate the rig ahead of us so that we could tune into Tai's iPod over his radio transmitter. The 3oh!3 song "Don't Trust Me," that we heard so much in Colorado finally made it to Philly this summer and now everyone knows it. And thanks to Harrison, Adrienne and Nikki ... I have four country songs on my iPod. When you consider the country-music void in which I've existed for 24 years in the Philly area, this is a big deal.
I'm not really a morning person; given the choice, I'd rather sleep in and stay up late. But I really loved seeing the sunrises on the dispatch and spike drives. There's something intrinsically uplifting about it. I also loved that I got to see the Pacific Ocean, California, Oregon, and, most of all, Montana.
Now that I'm home, I realize how much I enjoy the humidity of east coast summers. I relish how weighty and thick they feel, the almost-tropical smells and sounds. But I gotta say, summer in Boulder is awful nice too; it's so bright and refreshing.
And another thing -- throughout this blog, I use the word "mountain" a lot. Well, be warned: I'm from Pennsylvania, where the highest peak is a little over 3,200 feet. What I call "the moutains" are apparently often considered "foothills" in many places out west.
I miss the places we could go. While we were on campus in Denver, I would wake up early on Sundays and walk down to Mile High Coffee or the Englewood library while listening to NPR's Weekend Edition. In the city, there was Nikki's favorite place Double Daughters; we also had Falling Rock and The Tavern. In Boulder, I spent a lot of time at Laughing Goat cafe and Amante. I think the Boulder library is the most beautiful public library ever. I know Nikki was so glad to get out of Texas, but it was fun to walk to the bowling alley for karaoke. And then later, we kept the karaoke going on Saturday nights in Boulder at Outback. Walking to First Street and Backcountry in Ned made that little town feel like a true home.
I peel an orange for breakfast or lunch and I'm transported back to lunch breaks during cutting projects. I'm not at my desk at work, I'm sitting on a bed of dirt and pine needles, leaning up against a ponderosa. M&Ms can make me think of the M&M breaks the saw squad had a few times in California. I watch AxMen and every scene looks like where I was in Oregon. I got to cut down a cherry tree in my back yard because it had died. Oh, I miss cutting so much, you have no idea. Lately, people have been using their firepits at night in my neighborhood and the humid, damp air combined with the smoke makes it smell like you're on a fire.
I even love the Nature Valley Granola Bar tv commercial with shots of Elk Mountain in Colorado. I wear my one long sleeve t-shirt with a tiny sense of pride because it has strap stains on it from where my pack would rub during PT hikes. I have an undeniable, chronic addiction to chapstick now.
I miss being dirty. I loved working outside all day and brushing woodchips out of my hair. Oregon dispatch was so satisfying because I was absolutely filthy every day. At the risk of sounding cliche, there was something truly invigorating and comforting about being covered in dirt, sap and ash. There was a part of working with the Forest Service that indulged my childhood joy of playing in the mud.
Rarely have I felt so alive so often.
I loved being in AmeriCorps*NCCC and I love my team, Earth 4/5.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I bet you thought I forgot about this. Well, I didn't.
So this post has been a long time coming. When I first arrived home from Colorado and AmeriCorps on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I felt it was too soon to write a proper reflection on my experiences. Time passed. I thought it would be fitting to post a conclusion to this blog on February 2, 2009 -- the anniversary of arriving in Denver and beginning my term of service. But things had been busy and I missed that date. Ideally, I wanted to be able to sit down and just write an entry without interuptions. After a certain point, so much time had passed that I began musing over posting in November 2009 on the anniversary of graduating from NCCC, after the passing of an entire year of post-AmeriLife. But regardless of when I finally manage to post this entry, here it is.
With all the time that has passed, I'll begin my recount where I left off in the previous post. Actually, I'll start a bit before that, as I never discussed graduation. We all got dressed up in our black pants and white polos and gathered in the campus auditorium. There was a nice long slide show as a part of the graduation ceremony. I'll confess, it made me a little teary. One of the accompanying songs was "Peace, Love, Happiness" by G. Love & Special Sauce. I already loved that song, but now it always makes me smile for new reasons. Kevin sang his song, "Lighthouse" of course; that also made me teary. This time around it sounded like the rest of NCCC had learned the lyrics ... or Earth Unit just sang extra loud. One of the members read a poem she wrote that was actually pretty neat, I wish I had the text. Others might have found it corny, but I liked how she played with the homonyms "corps" and "core." The lines had to do with improving lives and changing the world and each stanza concluded with "It must be something in my corps" (or -- core, i.e. deep inside).
They gave out a bunch of silly superlatives for each unit -- best facial hair, best couple, etc. In Fire Unit, the Best Couple award went to two teammates who thought it would be funny to get married in Vegas during their break, only to realize later that they couldn't get it annulled as easily as they got hitched. Joanna is friends with the guy and the story unfolded through phone calls and text messages while we were heading to California for dispatch. Happy ending, though: they're still together and seem to be very much in love. I won "Best Dressed" (or something to that effect, I can't recall how it was phrased) for Earth Unit because I was apparently always immaculate in my AmeriClothes. My award was an old, musty, gross AmeriShirt from the old uniform room. Awesome. They also gave out some more heartfelt awards, including the "Butterfly" award, which is supposed to recognize the member who really comes into their own during the program. Well, we had a set of identical twin sisters this year, Paige and Blair. They were placed in different units, but were inseparable otherwise. They even dressed alike and were a prime study for "twin language." But, their respective teams also really brought them out of their twin shells. So they received the Butterfly award jointly. It was appropriate, ironic and sweet all at the same time.
The Class XIV AmeriQuilt was on display in the lobby of the auditorium. Our recreation of the "Message Boar" went over really well with our team and former teammates. Following the ceremony, there was a big dinner in the cafeteria. Some of the Forest Service showed up for the wildfire teams, including Owens, Megan and Mary from Ned. They had dinner with us in the cafeteria and then met us for one last night at Four Gs.
After move out, Nikki and I had a little vacation in Nederland prior to returning home. We stayed with some Forest Service people who hadn't yet moved on from the end of their seasonal posts at the work center. It was quite cold for the most part and rather blustery. I went snowboarding for the first time! We went to El Dora, the local ski resort in Ned. It was quite fun! According to the people I went with, I picked it up fairly quickly. Of course, once I got the feel for things, my skill level plateaued instantly. I didn't want to try any jumps or switch between board edges for fear of breaking my neck.
I flew home the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I didn't realize it until I had to get on the flight that I was really reluctant to go home. The weeks in Denver leading up to graduation didn't feel any different from previous transition weeks. It wasn't until I boarded that it hit me: it's over. After we landed in Philly, I actually started crying on my walk to the baggage claim. The elation that my parents demonstrated once they saw me made it all even harder to process. Thanksgiving was nice and quiet at home, just the immediate family.
On Thanksgiving Sunday, I went to visit Jersey Surf, the drum and bugle corps I marched with from 2004-2006. Their first audition camp for the new season is always held Thanksgiving weekend and some alumni (such as myself) use that weekend to see friends and check how the corps is doing. I ran into some people I had marched with and we were able to catch up a little. A week later, they called me to inform me that a flag spot had opened up in their winterguard, Black Watch; they wanted to know if I was interested. The Black Watch is an Independent World Class winterguard that I have idolized since I got into the activity in high school. Of course I said yes and began going to rehearsals. Our competitive season went up to the first weekend in May, and it was an incredibly rewarding experience. The level of cohesion in the guard was higher than any I had ever experienced before. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to be a part of the Black Watch family and I can't wait for the next season to begin.
In the meantime, I was hunting for a job. Along with several other NCCC wildfire people, I began the process of applying for a seasonal wildland firefighter position. As that option developed, I also applied to about 120 jobs here at home. It was a rather discouraging challenge, especially when I was not considered for positions I really wanted. While I definitely did AmeriCorps for the personal experiences, I wasn't the only one who hoped it would also be a great addition to my resume. Alas, this was not the case. It seemed that people didn't think the experience translated very well. I hope this is just a symptom of the economic downturn. I'm not looking for someone to stroke my ego; I just think our time in NCCC shouldn't be so underrated. My corpsmates and I worked hard and cared about what we were doing. We still care.
I finally landed a temp position. I'm still looking for something that speaks a little closer to my passions: education, the environment, writing, nonprofit organizations. My job search demonstrated my old fashioned attitudes of employment -- I like the idea of starting new, learning and working toward something. These days, it seems companies expect you to know everything prior to working for them. What ever happened to entry-level positions? And how much experience can a college graduate really have? There are only so many internships, and only so much time a student can spare between class, course work and a paying job. I realize it can be more cost effective to cut back on training for employees, but I also think that too many people have become absolutely rabid about making the bottom line Priority #1.
My apologies -- I don't want this post to digress into a negative conclusion to what has been one of the most positive experiences of my life.
I do have a job, and I am trying to stay positive. While searching for a position, I was also exploring the possibility of grad school. My experiences in NCCC, in conjunction with Obama's election and his expansion of AmeriCorps, seemed to reignite my enthusiasm with teaching. I found a program at Arcadia University that would allow me to get my masters and certification in secondary social studies education. There were just a few classes I needed to qualify for the program. I've already taken two, and I'm enrolled in two more for the fall. I'd like to teach a world cultures-based curriculum, and I often catch myself scheming about studying and volunteering abroad to enhance my coursework.
But I can't lie. Despite these ambitions, I'm afraid to discover that I'd make a lousy teacher; the two classes I've taken so far were unexpectedly intimidating at times. It would be an understatement to say that I am reluctant about choosing this path. And this does seem to be the path I've chosen -- I turned down a fire job in March. Owens called and offered me a position and I declined. My initial reason was because I didn't instantly say, "Yes!" I felt like if I truly wanted it I wouldn't have hesistated to accept the offer. Upon closer examination, my situation didn't seem to lend itself to taking a fire job. With loans, car and health insurance, I may have barely afforded living in Colorado, especially with a fire season that had been pretty quiet up until last week. Uprooting my life and living out of a suitcase for another six months, after having done exactly that for the previous ten, would further delay starting grad school. And who knows what the economic situation will be in November? I'd already experienced enough difficulty finding a job.
I'm the type of person who occasionally indulges in asking "What if?" So I'm struggling with not regretting this decision. I don't think one choice was somehow superior to the other. Fire season was quiet up until last week and that made not being on a crew a little easier to deal with. But, as of this writing (mid-August), I know of at least eight people on fire dispatches, the majority of whom are fighting fires in ... Alaska! Good grief, what luck.
So that's where I am right now. Though I'm savoring the weighty, humid summers that you'll only find on the east coast, I still miss Colorado immensely. I've made a half-promise to myself that I'll live there for a portion of my life.
My waffling over a fire job and grad school is further proof that I feel restless. Even if I'd taken a fire job, I think I'd still have this feeling that I'm meant for something bigger. When I began AmeriCorps, I was looking forward to finally following through on this Save-The-World attitude I've had since I was three, when the Exxon-Valdez had that massive oil spill and I cried to my mother about how the dolphins were going to die if someone didn't do something (I'm not kidding, you can ask her). It seems my time in NCCC has only made me hungrier. At the risk of sounding arrogant or ostentatious, I have this nagging little feeling that I'm meant for something more than where I am right now, that I've got to find something bigger and better. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn't. As always, I guess we'll find out.
With all the time that has passed, I'll begin my recount where I left off in the previous post. Actually, I'll start a bit before that, as I never discussed graduation. We all got dressed up in our black pants and white polos and gathered in the campus auditorium. There was a nice long slide show as a part of the graduation ceremony. I'll confess, it made me a little teary. One of the accompanying songs was "Peace, Love, Happiness" by G. Love & Special Sauce. I already loved that song, but now it always makes me smile for new reasons. Kevin sang his song, "Lighthouse" of course; that also made me teary. This time around it sounded like the rest of NCCC had learned the lyrics ... or Earth Unit just sang extra loud. One of the members read a poem she wrote that was actually pretty neat, I wish I had the text. Others might have found it corny, but I liked how she played with the homonyms "corps" and "core." The lines had to do with improving lives and changing the world and each stanza concluded with "It must be something in my corps" (or -- core, i.e. deep inside).
They gave out a bunch of silly superlatives for each unit -- best facial hair, best couple, etc. In Fire Unit, the Best Couple award went to two teammates who thought it would be funny to get married in Vegas during their break, only to realize later that they couldn't get it annulled as easily as they got hitched. Joanna is friends with the guy and the story unfolded through phone calls and text messages while we were heading to California for dispatch. Happy ending, though: they're still together and seem to be very much in love. I won "Best Dressed" (or something to that effect, I can't recall how it was phrased) for Earth Unit because I was apparently always immaculate in my AmeriClothes. My award was an old, musty, gross AmeriShirt from the old uniform room. Awesome. They also gave out some more heartfelt awards, including the "Butterfly" award, which is supposed to recognize the member who really comes into their own during the program. Well, we had a set of identical twin sisters this year, Paige and Blair. They were placed in different units, but were inseparable otherwise. They even dressed alike and were a prime study for "twin language." But, their respective teams also really brought them out of their twin shells. So they received the Butterfly award jointly. It was appropriate, ironic and sweet all at the same time.
The Class XIV AmeriQuilt was on display in the lobby of the auditorium. Our recreation of the "Message Boar" went over really well with our team and former teammates. Following the ceremony, there was a big dinner in the cafeteria. Some of the Forest Service showed up for the wildfire teams, including Owens, Megan and Mary from Ned. They had dinner with us in the cafeteria and then met us for one last night at Four Gs.
After move out, Nikki and I had a little vacation in Nederland prior to returning home. We stayed with some Forest Service people who hadn't yet moved on from the end of their seasonal posts at the work center. It was quite cold for the most part and rather blustery. I went snowboarding for the first time! We went to El Dora, the local ski resort in Ned. It was quite fun! According to the people I went with, I picked it up fairly quickly. Of course, once I got the feel for things, my skill level plateaued instantly. I didn't want to try any jumps or switch between board edges for fear of breaking my neck.
I flew home the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I didn't realize it until I had to get on the flight that I was really reluctant to go home. The weeks in Denver leading up to graduation didn't feel any different from previous transition weeks. It wasn't until I boarded that it hit me: it's over. After we landed in Philly, I actually started crying on my walk to the baggage claim. The elation that my parents demonstrated once they saw me made it all even harder to process. Thanksgiving was nice and quiet at home, just the immediate family.
On Thanksgiving Sunday, I went to visit Jersey Surf, the drum and bugle corps I marched with from 2004-2006. Their first audition camp for the new season is always held Thanksgiving weekend and some alumni (such as myself) use that weekend to see friends and check how the corps is doing. I ran into some people I had marched with and we were able to catch up a little. A week later, they called me to inform me that a flag spot had opened up in their winterguard, Black Watch; they wanted to know if I was interested. The Black Watch is an Independent World Class winterguard that I have idolized since I got into the activity in high school. Of course I said yes and began going to rehearsals. Our competitive season went up to the first weekend in May, and it was an incredibly rewarding experience. The level of cohesion in the guard was higher than any I had ever experienced before. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to be a part of the Black Watch family and I can't wait for the next season to begin.
In the meantime, I was hunting for a job. Along with several other NCCC wildfire people, I began the process of applying for a seasonal wildland firefighter position. As that option developed, I also applied to about 120 jobs here at home. It was a rather discouraging challenge, especially when I was not considered for positions I really wanted. While I definitely did AmeriCorps for the personal experiences, I wasn't the only one who hoped it would also be a great addition to my resume. Alas, this was not the case. It seemed that people didn't think the experience translated very well. I hope this is just a symptom of the economic downturn. I'm not looking for someone to stroke my ego; I just think our time in NCCC shouldn't be so underrated. My corpsmates and I worked hard and cared about what we were doing. We still care.
I finally landed a temp position. I'm still looking for something that speaks a little closer to my passions: education, the environment, writing, nonprofit organizations. My job search demonstrated my old fashioned attitudes of employment -- I like the idea of starting new, learning and working toward something. These days, it seems companies expect you to know everything prior to working for them. What ever happened to entry-level positions? And how much experience can a college graduate really have? There are only so many internships, and only so much time a student can spare between class, course work and a paying job. I realize it can be more cost effective to cut back on training for employees, but I also think that too many people have become absolutely rabid about making the bottom line Priority #1.
My apologies -- I don't want this post to digress into a negative conclusion to what has been one of the most positive experiences of my life.
I do have a job, and I am trying to stay positive. While searching for a position, I was also exploring the possibility of grad school. My experiences in NCCC, in conjunction with Obama's election and his expansion of AmeriCorps, seemed to reignite my enthusiasm with teaching. I found a program at Arcadia University that would allow me to get my masters and certification in secondary social studies education. There were just a few classes I needed to qualify for the program. I've already taken two, and I'm enrolled in two more for the fall. I'd like to teach a world cultures-based curriculum, and I often catch myself scheming about studying and volunteering abroad to enhance my coursework.
But I can't lie. Despite these ambitions, I'm afraid to discover that I'd make a lousy teacher; the two classes I've taken so far were unexpectedly intimidating at times. It would be an understatement to say that I am reluctant about choosing this path. And this does seem to be the path I've chosen -- I turned down a fire job in March. Owens called and offered me a position and I declined. My initial reason was because I didn't instantly say, "Yes!" I felt like if I truly wanted it I wouldn't have hesistated to accept the offer. Upon closer examination, my situation didn't seem to lend itself to taking a fire job. With loans, car and health insurance, I may have barely afforded living in Colorado, especially with a fire season that had been pretty quiet up until last week. Uprooting my life and living out of a suitcase for another six months, after having done exactly that for the previous ten, would further delay starting grad school. And who knows what the economic situation will be in November? I'd already experienced enough difficulty finding a job.
I'm the type of person who occasionally indulges in asking "What if?" So I'm struggling with not regretting this decision. I don't think one choice was somehow superior to the other. Fire season was quiet up until last week and that made not being on a crew a little easier to deal with. But, as of this writing (mid-August), I know of at least eight people on fire dispatches, the majority of whom are fighting fires in ... Alaska! Good grief, what luck.
So that's where I am right now. Though I'm savoring the weighty, humid summers that you'll only find on the east coast, I still miss Colorado immensely. I've made a half-promise to myself that I'll live there for a portion of my life.
My waffling over a fire job and grad school is further proof that I feel restless. Even if I'd taken a fire job, I think I'd still have this feeling that I'm meant for something bigger. When I began AmeriCorps, I was looking forward to finally following through on this Save-The-World attitude I've had since I was three, when the Exxon-Valdez had that massive oil spill and I cried to my mother about how the dolphins were going to die if someone didn't do something (I'm not kidding, you can ask her). It seems my time in NCCC has only made me hungrier. At the risk of sounding arrogant or ostentatious, I have this nagging little feeling that I'm meant for something more than where I am right now, that I've got to find something bigger and better. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn't. As always, I guess we'll find out.
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