"By the time I recognize this moment this moment will be gone..."

I've decided to write a separate post to serve as a supplement to the concluding entry. While I make no attempt to avoid rambling in what follows, it is just a small sample of the memories that now grace my thoughts daily. I tried to maintain some coherency, but the recollections are in no particular order. Some may sound familiar, some may not. And I feel the need to offer a disclaimer: Even at its conclusion, I still want this blog to serve as a positive and constructive representation of the NCCC experience. As such, while I hope my blog has provided a useful and pleasant glimpse into my experience, it is just a glimpse. I read back over some entries and I realized that I left out a lot. I wish I could tell the whole story. But even if I had allowed myself to write of my experiences in a completely uncensored manor, I imagine that there's still a lot I would have failed to communicate.

All that being said, I hope you enjoy. Especially my teammates, should you somehow stumble across this.

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A lot of the things I miss are things about my team and teammates, obviously. The second floor of Walsh Hall, although in need of some modernizing, quickly became a very familiar space; the bunkhouse too. Interestingly, some time in December '08, Nikki was driving around near Boulder (she moved to CO from Ohio) and spotted a grass fire that occurred near the farm house where we stayed during third round. Needless to say, word of the fire spread quickly around the team despite how we'd scattered across the country. Chad reported to us later that our house was still safely standing.

While I doubt I'll ever own a pick-up truck and I can't deny that our Dodge Rams were certainly gas guzzlers, they were a lot of fun to drive. Yes, even for sixteen hours a day driving to or from dispatch, and even though I had to have my seat all the way up against the steering wheel so I could reach the pedals.

There were times that I just wanted to be left alone and privacy was rare. But those feelings were infrequent, and I tended to enjoy always having someone near by. I miss having nine or ten roommates, especially my nine or ten particular roommates. Even now, I revel in having been a part of the wildfire teams.

First round in Texas was just all around fun. I miss how those of us from the North would just fall into the southern accent; and the entire team could recite Forrest Gump by heart and often did. I stereotyped Harrison's southern heritage (red pick-up truck and all), but I was also his token Yankee. I loved the quirks of my teammates, like how Chris was so into cycling and, though he's from Virginia, he totally acts like he's from SoCal. I miss Adrienne's encouraging love of vegetables. Travis just had to watch Jeopardy at 6 and he made it known when he missed it; he's only the second person I've ever met to answer so many questions correctly. I loved and envied how John and Adrienne could run like it was no big deal. I miss how Blake could always be heard singing, even on PT hikes. I miss looking forward to his Message Boar contributions; I'm glad he brought that to our team after Earth 4 and 5 were melded together. For better or worse, Paul could be absolutely crazy at times; but the kid has a good heart.

I miss Swerve. He could be a royal pain in the neck, but he was a good team leader. He always had our backs. Ervin didn't bend the rules. Most of our team's frustrations weren't the result of Ervin, but of the rules -- rules that could make a bunch of relatively independent 20-somethings feel like we were all teenagers living at home. It takes courage and character to stand firm and follow through where others would try to negotiate.

I miss the week that Joanna was my cutting partner and we learned that we should actually never be cutting partners because it was bad news. I really miss always having her and Nikki around.

Even though it took us until the end of the season, the fact that we got the chance to respond to and work on a fire as a team (the infamous "Party" fire) was a really fitting conclusion for our time together. I enjoyed getting to share so much with them. Even seemingly little things, like sitting around watching AxMen or movies together. Or the night when I made chili for a quick dinner so we could all sit around and watch the Presidential debates. I like that I can associate so many things with my AmeriCorps experiences.

I want to take a moment to express my admiration for the females of AmeriCorps and the Forest Service. Despite my own internal apprehensions of being viewed as the weaker sex in a male-dominated field, in reality I was never made to feel like I was less of a person because I'm a girl. In my experience, I was honestly judged on my character and effort. And I have never before been surrounded by so many strong, dedicated, confident women. I have the utmost respect for Kira, Jane, Christy, Joanna, Nikki, Nicole, Shannon, Crystal, Adrienne, Megan, Mary, Emily and all of the other girls who are living their lives without hesitation, without apologies or regrets. So show some respect or get out of the way! These girls know who they are, know what they want and there is no stopping them. They are true role models. All little girls should want to grow up to be like them. I can only hope that I am counted among their ranks.

There are songs on my iPod that were the same songs I would listen to on runs in Texas or during PT runs in Ned. That music comes on and it's like I get to run Kinnickinnick Loop again. There's also a lot of music that makes me think of my teammates. I had never heard so much O.A.R. or Dispatch as when we were in Texas with Wolf 4. My Denver roommate, Maddie, and Jane from the North Zone AmeriCorps wildfire team introduced me to Michael Franti. Harrison and I usually listened to his Citizen Cope cds. On the way to California for dispatch, we discovered that Blake had left his cd case in the car. Joanna and I listened to the Across the Universe soundtrack until Jordan and Harrison couldn't take it anymore. While we were on that dispatch, the only cd in Squad 1-2 that wouldn't skip was one of Emily's Cake albums. Nick, Patrick, Malcolm and I listened to that one album for two weeks straight. Occasionally, we'd try to tailgate the rig ahead of us so that we could tune into Tai's iPod over his radio transmitter. The 3oh!3 song "Don't Trust Me," that we heard so much in Colorado finally made it to Philly this summer and now everyone knows it. And thanks to Harrison, Adrienne and Nikki ... I have four country songs on my iPod. When you consider the country-music void in which I've existed for 24 years in the Philly area, this is a big deal.

I'm not really a morning person; given the choice, I'd rather sleep in and stay up late. But I really loved seeing the sunrises on the dispatch and spike drives. There's something intrinsically uplifting about it. I also loved that I got to see the Pacific Ocean, California, Oregon, and, most of all, Montana.

Now that I'm home, I realize how much I enjoy the humidity of east coast summers. I relish how weighty and thick they feel, the almost-tropical smells and sounds. But I gotta say, summer in Boulder is awful nice too; it's so bright and refreshing.

And another thing -- throughout this blog, I use the word "mountain" a lot. Well, be warned: I'm from Pennsylvania, where the highest peak is a little over 3,200 feet. What I call "the moutains" are apparently often considered "foothills" in many places out west.

I miss the places we could go. While we were on campus in Denver, I would wake up early on Sundays and walk down to Mile High Coffee or the Englewood library while listening to NPR's Weekend Edition. In the city, there was Nikki's favorite place Double Daughters; we also had Falling Rock and The Tavern. In Boulder, I spent a lot of time at Laughing Goat cafe and Amante. I think the Boulder library is the most beautiful public library ever. I know Nikki was so glad to get out of Texas, but it was fun to walk to the bowling alley for karaoke. And then later, we kept the karaoke going on Saturday nights in Boulder at Outback. Walking to First Street and Backcountry in Ned made that little town feel like a true home.

I peel an orange for breakfast or lunch and I'm transported back to lunch breaks during cutting projects. I'm not at my desk at work, I'm sitting on a bed of dirt and pine needles, leaning up against a ponderosa. M&Ms can make me think of the M&M breaks the saw squad had a few times in California. I watch AxMen and every scene looks like where I was in Oregon. I got to cut down a cherry tree in my back yard because it had died. Oh, I miss cutting so much, you have no idea. Lately, people have been using their firepits at night in my neighborhood and the humid, damp air combined with the smoke makes it smell like you're on a fire.

I even love the Nature Valley Granola Bar tv commercial with shots of Elk Mountain in Colorado. I wear my one long sleeve t-shirt with a tiny sense of pride because it has strap stains on it from where my pack would rub during PT hikes. I have an undeniable, chronic addiction to chapstick now.

I miss being dirty. I loved working outside all day and brushing woodchips out of my hair. Oregon dispatch was so satisfying because I was absolutely filthy every day. At the risk of sounding cliche, there was something truly invigorating and comforting about being covered in dirt, sap and ash. There was a part of working with the Forest Service that indulged my childhood joy of playing in the mud.

Rarely have I felt so alive so often.

I loved being in AmeriCorps*NCCC and I love my team, Earth 4/5.