So this post has been a long time coming. When I first arrived home from Colorado and AmeriCorps on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I felt it was too soon to write a proper reflection on my experiences. Time passed. I thought it would be fitting to post a conclusion to this blog on February 2, 2009 -- the anniversary of arriving in Denver and beginning my term of service. But things had been busy and I missed that date. Ideally, I wanted to be able to sit down and just write an entry without interuptions. After a certain point, so much time had passed that I began musing over posting in November 2009 on the anniversary of graduating from NCCC, after the passing of an entire year of post-AmeriLife. But regardless of when I finally manage to post this entry, here it is.
With all the time that has passed, I'll begin my recount where I left off in the previous post. Actually, I'll start a bit before that, as I never discussed graduation. We all got dressed up in our black pants and white polos and gathered in the campus auditorium. There was a nice long slide show as a part of the graduation ceremony. I'll confess, it made me a little teary. One of the accompanying songs was "Peace, Love, Happiness" by G. Love & Special Sauce. I already loved that song, but now it always makes me smile for new reasons. Kevin sang his song, "Lighthouse" of course; that also made me teary. This time around it sounded like the rest of NCCC had learned the lyrics ... or Earth Unit just sang extra loud. One of the members read a poem she wrote that was actually pretty neat, I wish I had the text. Others might have found it corny, but I liked how she played with the homonyms "corps" and "core." The lines had to do with improving lives and changing the world and each stanza concluded with "It must be something in my corps" (or -- core, i.e. deep inside).
They gave out a bunch of silly superlatives for each unit -- best facial hair, best couple, etc. In Fire Unit, the Best Couple award went to two teammates who thought it would be funny to get married in Vegas during their break, only to realize later that they couldn't get it annulled as easily as they got hitched. Joanna is friends with the guy and the story unfolded through phone calls and text messages while we were heading to California for dispatch. Happy ending, though: they're still together and seem to be very much in love. I won "Best Dressed" (or something to that effect, I can't recall how it was phrased) for Earth Unit because I was apparently always immaculate in my AmeriClothes. My award was an old, musty, gross AmeriShirt from the old uniform room. Awesome. They also gave out some more heartfelt awards, including the "Butterfly" award, which is supposed to recognize the member who really comes into their own during the program. Well, we had a set of identical twin sisters this year, Paige and Blair. They were placed in different units, but were inseparable otherwise. They even dressed alike and were a prime study for "twin language." But, their respective teams also really brought them out of their twin shells. So they received the Butterfly award jointly. It was appropriate, ironic and sweet all at the same time.
The Class XIV AmeriQuilt was on display in the lobby of the auditorium. Our recreation of the "Message Boar" went over really well with our team and former teammates. Following the ceremony, there was a big dinner in the cafeteria. Some of the Forest Service showed up for the wildfire teams, including Owens, Megan and Mary from Ned. They had dinner with us in the cafeteria and then met us for one last night at Four Gs.
After move out, Nikki and I had a little vacation in Nederland prior to returning home. We stayed with some Forest Service people who hadn't yet moved on from the end of their seasonal posts at the work center. It was quite cold for the most part and rather blustery. I went snowboarding for the first time! We went to El Dora, the local ski resort in Ned. It was quite fun! According to the people I went with, I picked it up fairly quickly. Of course, once I got the feel for things, my skill level plateaued instantly. I didn't want to try any jumps or switch between board edges for fear of breaking my neck.
I flew home the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I didn't realize it until I had to get on the flight that I was really reluctant to go home. The weeks in Denver leading up to graduation didn't feel any different from previous transition weeks. It wasn't until I boarded that it hit me: it's over. After we landed in Philly, I actually started crying on my walk to the baggage claim. The elation that my parents demonstrated once they saw me made it all even harder to process. Thanksgiving was nice and quiet at home, just the immediate family.
On Thanksgiving Sunday, I went to visit Jersey Surf, the drum and bugle corps I marched with from 2004-2006. Their first audition camp for the new season is always held Thanksgiving weekend and some alumni (such as myself) use that weekend to see friends and check how the corps is doing. I ran into some people I had marched with and we were able to catch up a little. A week later, they called me to inform me that a flag spot had opened up in their winterguard, Black Watch; they wanted to know if I was interested. The Black Watch is an Independent World Class winterguard that I have idolized since I got into the activity in high school. Of course I said yes and began going to rehearsals. Our competitive season went up to the first weekend in May, and it was an incredibly rewarding experience. The level of cohesion in the guard was higher than any I had ever experienced before. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to be a part of the Black Watch family and I can't wait for the next season to begin.
In the meantime, I was hunting for a job. Along with several other NCCC wildfire people, I began the process of applying for a seasonal wildland firefighter position. As that option developed, I also applied to about 120 jobs here at home. It was a rather discouraging challenge, especially when I was not considered for positions I really wanted. While I definitely did AmeriCorps for the personal experiences, I wasn't the only one who hoped it would also be a great addition to my resume. Alas, this was not the case. It seemed that people didn't think the experience translated very well. I hope this is just a symptom of the economic downturn. I'm not looking for someone to stroke my ego; I just think our time in NCCC shouldn't be so underrated. My corpsmates and I worked hard and cared about what we were doing. We still care.
I finally landed a temp position. I'm still looking for something that speaks a little closer to my passions: education, the environment, writing, nonprofit organizations. My job search demonstrated my old fashioned attitudes of employment -- I like the idea of starting new, learning and working toward something. These days, it seems companies expect you to know everything prior to working for them. What ever happened to entry-level positions? And how much experience can a college graduate really have? There are only so many internships, and only so much time a student can spare between class, course work and a paying job. I realize it can be more cost effective to cut back on training for employees, but I also think that too many people have become absolutely rabid about making the bottom line Priority #1.
My apologies -- I don't want this post to digress into a negative conclusion to what has been one of the most positive experiences of my life.
I do have a job, and I am trying to stay positive. While searching for a position, I was also exploring the possibility of grad school. My experiences in NCCC, in conjunction with Obama's election and his expansion of AmeriCorps, seemed to reignite my enthusiasm with teaching. I found a program at Arcadia University that would allow me to get my masters and certification in secondary social studies education. There were just a few classes I needed to qualify for the program. I've already taken two, and I'm enrolled in two more for the fall. I'd like to teach a world cultures-based curriculum, and I often catch myself scheming about studying and volunteering abroad to enhance my coursework.
But I can't lie. Despite these ambitions, I'm afraid to discover that I'd make a lousy teacher; the two classes I've taken so far were unexpectedly intimidating at times. It would be an understatement to say that I am reluctant about choosing this path. And this does seem to be the path I've chosen -- I turned down a fire job in March. Owens called and offered me a position and I declined. My initial reason was because I didn't instantly say, "Yes!" I felt like if I truly wanted it I wouldn't have hesistated to accept the offer. Upon closer examination, my situation didn't seem to lend itself to taking a fire job. With loans, car and health insurance, I may have barely afforded living in Colorado, especially with a fire season that had been pretty quiet up until last week. Uprooting my life and living out of a suitcase for another six months, after having done exactly that for the previous ten, would further delay starting grad school. And who knows what the economic situation will be in November? I'd already experienced enough difficulty finding a job.
I'm the type of person who occasionally indulges in asking "What if?" So I'm struggling with not regretting this decision. I don't think one choice was somehow superior to the other. Fire season was quiet up until last week and that made not being on a crew a little easier to deal with. But, as of this writing (mid-August), I know of at least eight people on fire dispatches, the majority of whom are fighting fires in ... Alaska! Good grief, what luck.
So that's where I am right now. Though I'm savoring the weighty, humid summers that you'll only find on the east coast, I still miss Colorado immensely. I've made a half-promise to myself that I'll live there for a portion of my life.
My waffling over a fire job and grad school is further proof that I feel restless. Even if I'd taken a fire job, I think I'd still have this feeling that I'm meant for something bigger. When I began AmeriCorps, I was looking forward to finally following through on this Save-The-World attitude I've had since I was three, when the Exxon-Valdez had that massive oil spill and I cried to my mother about how the dolphins were going to die if someone didn't do something (I'm not kidding, you can ask her). It seems my time in NCCC has only made me hungrier. At the risk of sounding arrogant or ostentatious, I have this nagging little feeling that I'm meant for something more than where I am right now, that I've got to find something bigger and better. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn't. As always, I guess we'll find out.
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